SEX. Yep, that’s how I’m popping this lovely day off. Something a little risqué for the morning routine. So if you a) find yourself squirming because the topic of sex makes you uncomfortable, b) are an adult I adore and respect greatly and therefore want you to sit this one out or c) are under the age of 18… just catch the KiWord next week. I mean, it’s no hard feelings. Much love! By the way, I was just kidding about B, but Mama, do not call my phone with weird inquiries! Whew. Now with all of that out of the way, let’s begin.
Often times I am asked, “what do you want?” But I think that half of the time people are truly not ready for that answer. I am a woman. With desires. And needs. Needs that sometimes men are incapable of fulfilling, might I add. I enjoy wearing back out tops, big t-shirts with thigh high boots. I find fun in wearing daring lipsticks and “body rolling” on my guy to a song or two. Starbucks makes me happy. But so does back to back orgasms. I yearn for freedom, I want sexual liberation. Over the years, I have learned to not be afraid of the woman I am becoming and have learned to accept all the sexiness within me. Being this bold doesn’t make me less of a woman, it just makes me a woman. A comfortable woman.
It’s a game of taboo that I despise. Society is aware of the fact that sex is used to procreate as well as to satisfy our sexual cravings, but for some reason we find ourselves tiptoeing around the subject when it comes to women wanting (good) sex and being in touch with their sexuality just as much as men are. In wanting to explore why this topic is so prohibited, I decided to do some of my own research. In my third semester of grad school, we were sent off to our books to dive into a study focusing on any topic of choice. As students in pursuit of our Master’s degree in education, many of my peers presented new findings on gifted students, some even talked about the effects of homelessness on schools and communities. Me? Well, I decided to take a different approach. And I mean I went far left. My topic? The Impact of Gender Expectations on Meanings of Sex and Sexuality. Yes, I went there (I actually think that that was the semester I really started liking myself).
The topic threw everyone for a loop, and that was exactly my issue. Why was it so shocking for a woman to be openly discussing sexuality? The study, in summary, needed work of course, but it showed that as women we acknowledge social expectations, but still construct our own sexual identities. The study also suggested that while gender differences may still exist in terms of meaning and value of sexual interactions, differences in the U.S. are becoming less distinct. We aren’t living in the same world that existed 50 years ago, yet alone 4 years ago. Outlets are growing every day exposing women to embracing their sexuality in whatever way they define such a word.
Today’s Keyword: ownership (n): the act, state, or right of possessing something
Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie once said, “we teach girls that they cannot be sexual beings in the way that boys are” and I agree. But who made that rule? Why isn’t it okay? A woman’s sexuality is a powerful thing. I didn’t realize my own power until I began to explore and appreciate my sexuality. I am heterosexual and while this puts me in the “non-oppressed” group, I as a woman am still often times marginalized and put in this uncomfortable place because society has made me feel as though awareness of my sexual feelings is forbidden.
Luckily, Mama raised a rebel, a fierce rebel that refuses to conform to what society deems as a woman. I get to decide the woman I am. Ladies, it’s time we own our sexuality and hone in on the women we truly are rather than what we are expected to be. The style of your dress yet still gives no man the right to make inappropriate passes and your desire to please yourself from time to time or engage in premarital sex shouldn’t make you feel shameful. If casual sex is your thing, that is okay. And if you’re saving yourself for that special someone that is twice as nice. All that matters is that you are living the life you’re living because you made the CHOICE to. The moment you learn to be honest with yourself about your wants and needs, a sense of liberation will fill your soul. So own your sh*t.
Be safe, stay sexy,