the flowers by my bedside are
the epitome of hope deferred
the petals are rusted and have reached
the conclusion that
I love me not
I need to wash.
I think I lost myself in a pile of colored emotions,
unfolded like hands that have forgotten how to pray
I swept my true feelings under the rug hoping they would stay
my closet is overflowing with unhung skeletons dying to resurrect
I’ve kept far too many shirts of distaste and let down
in my trunk that I can no longer fit
I lost myself
in every penny for your thoughts tucked
in the crevices of my lonely couch
I lost myself in the minus signs and was
positive that happiness was no longer a factor
see hurt people hurt people and I was digging ditches
and burning bridges fast-
I know what it’s like to have your heart
ripped from your chest, a bill with your social security number
on it -ripped to shreds.
a battered heart, color of blue at best
“breathe in breathe out”
but I slipped up and exhaled all of myself
all of my sanity was in a man but see…
I think I love you more now that you are broken
than I did when you were whole
I am able to refill you with every token of appreciation
and glimpse of laughter and love I find as gold
I need to scrub.
the windows are either steamed from old sins
of last week or covered in streaks from the weak friendships
I let take the window seat
cover my world in a cleanse so pure
I leave with a glow
I’m tired of the flow of h20 attacking my eyelids and
punching through my pupils at the drop of one
Forgotten I love you”
I need to rinse.
I gotta get clean.
an addict that steady sipped
dysfunction on the rocks
round love’s rim… but
this spring I’m cleaning
this spring I’m clean and
I hope you see it in me to be nurtured,
See enough sun in me to shine,
enough growth in me to bloom.
This was a very personal piece, I wrote at the changing of seasons. Debating on reciting this at an open mic night. I thank you for allowing me to share a piece of my world and hope that you find healing in my words. Let me know what you think !