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NO.  As of matter of fact, hell no. I can’t. I won’t. Been there, done that. Even if it was for only a few months before I got dumped by my ex. But see, that’s just proof in itself that those things never last.

These were all the first things that came to mind when I got this job offer, states away from my boyfriend. It was a bitter sweet moment… you know, like a free-scrumptuous-chipotle-bowl-meets-ultimate-bubble-guts-aftermath type of woe. The thought of being granted a job right after college was rare yet relieving, but during my college years I lucked up and gained a man- one who was not feeling a move to Texas.

I am more against long distance relationships than I am dirty finger nails and Crocs. Those that know me personally, know that I was ready to throw in the towel once I got the news because, “I just can’t deal with that.” The idea of indefinite space brought me to an uncomfortable cringe (still kind of does). But here I am, approximately eight months into this distance thing, still holding on to the few hairs (now gray) that I have left. Sum up life in a long distance relationship in one word? Emotional. Nothing more, nothing less.

Me and my boyfriend have been together for about four years now. And still that deep in, I must admit this long distance stuff is tough. (By the way, for the sake of my laziness, I’ll from here on out use LDR to refer to long distance relationship.) But yes, it has put me on this roller coaster of feeling needier than ever, to then often overly worried, or beyond elated just for weekend visits, to occasionally pissed because our scheduling is just off. I know if you’ve done the LDR thing before you know exactly what I mean. If there is anything I have learned in this short period of time, is that the key to a successful LDR are these three things:

1. Being secure of yourself and your relationship 

If you feel like you are with a cheater, or someone you can’t even think of trusting, exit stage right now. There is nothing more aggravating than someone who always suspects that because of the distance, there must be another person. Insecurity is a major turn off.  Just because a person no longer has you in sight, doesn’t mean that cheating is the inevitable. Now I’m not saying that it can’t happen, because temptation can definitely be real in an LDR (especially when you appear to be single to everyone around you), but it takes a mature person to put their trust into someone and turn the temptations down. And let’s be clear, sometimes new people in your life can be blinding. It only looks good because it’s something new, unexplored. Be wise young grasshopper and stay confident, not oblivious .

2. Communication 

Going from seeing each other everyday to once every month and a half, for lack of better words… SUCKS. Granted, good communication is needed to keep any relationship healthy and going strong- even if you live together. But the distance adds a thick layer to the cake. Like a double scoop of disgusting purple icing that you didn’t really ask for, it just came that way. It’s as if communicating and understanding what’s being communicated is forced to step it up ten notches on both your end and your significant other’s. I hate when people say a relationship is 50/50. Why? Because I get that yes, it adds up to 100% which makes a whole, the cute little give and take ratio. But both people should be giving all or nothing. Give me 100% and I’ll do the same.

3. Keeping the Love Alive 

I’ve come to the conclusion that I am a very physical person. I enjoy cuddling (right up until I get extremely hot, and then you my friend need to roll over), I like running my fingers through a fresh hair cut because it simply soothes me, and many other things. A relationship comprises of the mental, emotional, and physical. Unfortunately, only two out of three are available in an LDR. Solution? Keep it spicy. FaceTime one another as much as possible. Take turns on visiting one another. The distance shouldn’t change the spark between the two of you. It should heighten it.

Today’s Keyword: unequivocal |ˌəniˈkwivəkəl| (adj.): leaving no doubt; unambiguous; having only one possible meaning or interpretation

In an LDR, there has to be an unequivocal type of love. There is no time for uncertainty. Hell, the distance is enough in itself. Only pursue it if you see this person sticking around for the long haul. Otherwise, it will be the most miserable time of your life. Life in an LDR is definitely a life changing experience. I’m more expressive than my boyfriend and he is more laid back about things than I. Being so far away has taught me to be more patient, and to use my words without always yelling and sounding so pessimistic about situations. For him, he has learned to communicate so much more effectively. I’m not saying an LDR is easy, but it’s not impossible either. Only God knows what the future holds for our two silly souls, but in the mean time we are leaving no room for doubts. I’m unequivocally loving stronger than ever.

Any of you in an LDR? How do you manage? Any questions about LDRs? For any of these do not hesitate to comment below!

Loving miles away,

-Ki.

January 31, 2016
February 25, 2016

17 Comments

  1. Reply

    Kaila Cun-nigham :)

    February 17, 2016

    Oh My Gosh.. Ki!! You are preaching to the choir. I’ve been in a LDR for about 9 months now and it sucks. But COMMUNICATION IS THE KEY TO SUCCESS. Lol even though we are not physically in each other’s presence, talking on the phone, texting, Skyping, Snap chatting, sending Facebook messages makes things a little easier to handle. We see each other probably once to twice a month and we get way too excited to say the least. But, I find it to be a good thing. Even after all this time of being apart, if we’re still happy and excited to see each other, then I think we know what we want and nothing else will get in the way of that.

    Love conquers all!

    • Reply

      KiandraJeane'

      February 17, 2016

      That’s exactly what I tell myself! I am you you are me lol ! Thanks for reading! Hopefully the distance doesn’t last too long

  2. Reply

    Marsha

    February 17, 2016

    I loved the article, I’m in a LDR too and Isee what you’re saying. But I love the positives about it because I feel it makes the relationship so much stronger because you realize communication really is key. But like you said, if you’re not giving 100%, the other person can definitely tell and it will hurt the relationship. Great article and I wish you luck!

    • Reply

      KiandraJeane'

      February 18, 2016

      Thank you much, glad you were able to enjoy and relate! Hope I brought some positives to help your LDR prosper!

  3. Reply

    Deandre :)

    February 17, 2016

    Baby girl.. I know you two will always be together… You guys are far in the game & I have faith in you both that yall will conquer.

    Just like you & Kaila, I’m also in a LDR. My boyfriend lives in Gainesville while I’m in Tampa.. It’s kind of like a 2-3hr ride…

    He’s very laid back & chill and I’m the crazy one.. This is his first “REALationship”. We’ve been dating for about 8 months and yesterday made it an official 2 months with us of title. We see each other about 2 times a month but it really helps. Overall a LDR is based on both individuals and their strength mentally and emotionally. Also their maturity- whether insecure, communication, habits when alone that may not be approved of, etc.

    Keep doing your thing baby.. We in this together

    love you so much

    • Reply

      KiandraJeane'

      February 18, 2016

      I love you more Deee! Keep it going strong and I wish I had a 2hr drive! lolThank you for reading

  4. Reply

    Chaz Rijàn

    February 17, 2016

    This is a good one Ki! Faith, trust, and communication!!!

    • Reply

      KiandraJeane'

      February 18, 2016

      Thank you Chaz! Glad you enjoyed

  5. Reply

    proverbs31db

    February 18, 2016

    You’re a wonderful writer and I’m glad I fell upon your blog! I wish you the best in maintaining your LDR & I hope God uses this distance to teach you two more about one another and grow firmer in love!

    • Reply

      KiandraJeane'

      February 18, 2016

      Yess for this blessing! lol no but seriously thank you and glad you enjoyed your first read 🙂

  6. Reply

    Partna Dem

    February 18, 2016

    This was a great article and you know I’m wishing the best for you and your relationship. I’m sure the distance won’t last as long as you think it will 😉

    Keep doing you
    love you 😘

    • Reply

      KiandraJeane'

      February 19, 2016

      lol you know, as curious as I am right now to figure out what that last sentence really means, I’ll be patient. Thank you for being such a great support system. I love you too .

  7. Reply

    Denim Studio

    March 2, 2016

    I know how you feel. Wont kept us going was finding hobbies that we both can partake in. A hobby that can create conversation, that can fill a void, that can help put some of those natural urges to the side. Our weapon of choice was fitness. We worked out every chance we could and shared number of “fitness pictures” ;-). We planned to run 5ks, 10Ks, and marathons together so that I could be more than just a weekend getaway. Its hard but as long as both parties are all in then it can be done. You guys are amazing. Tell my boy I said what it do… Ls UP.

    • Reply

      KiandraJeane'

      March 4, 2016

      Ahhh, that sounds super cool ! Nothing like finding something that still keeps y’all connected. and okay will do. And Thank you so much for taking the time to read my blog, yours is pretty dope itself.

      • Reply

        Denim Studio

        March 4, 2016

        No problem

  8. Reply

    JC

    April 13, 2016

    Hey Ki! I know I’m super late, but my bf & I have been in a LDR for our ENTIRE relationship. That’s 13 months now.
    We’re on the phone going to sleep “together” every night…smh I know. My battery goes quick these days now…
    But one thing I did that I know he really appreciated was Open When Letters. So whenever the situation matches a letter, he can open it and it’s like a little piece of me being there.

    • Reply

      KiandraJeane'

      April 14, 2016

      lol it’s funny you say that, I just made my bf some for this past Valentine’s Day. Hope yours is going strong and thank you for reading !

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