NO. As of matter of fact, hell no. I can’t. I won’t. Been there, done that. Even if it was for only a few months before I got dumped by my ex. But see, that’s just proof in itself that those things never last.
These were all the first things that came to mind when I got this job offer, states away from my boyfriend. It was a bitter sweet moment… you know, like a free-scrumptuous-chipotle-bowl-meets-ultimate-bubble-guts-aftermath type of woe. The thought of being granted a job right after college was rare yet relieving, but during my college years I lucked up and gained a man- one who was not feeling a move to Texas.
I am more against long distance relationships than I am dirty finger nails and Crocs. Those that know me personally, know that I was ready to throw in the towel once I got the news because, “I just can’t deal with that.” The idea of indefinite space brought me to an uncomfortable cringe (still kind of does). But here I am, approximately eight months into this distance thing, still holding on to the few hairs (now gray) that I have left. Sum up life in a long distance relationship in one word? Emotional. Nothing more, nothing less.
Me and my boyfriend have been together for about four years now. And still that deep in, I must admit this long distance stuff is tough. (By the way, for the sake of my laziness, I’ll from here on out use LDR to refer to long distance relationship.) But yes, it has put me on this roller coaster of feeling needier than ever, to then often overly worried, or beyond elated just for weekend visits, to occasionally pissed because our scheduling is just off. I know if you’ve done the LDR thing before you know exactly what I mean. If there is anything I have learned in this short period of time, is that the key to a successful LDR are these three things:
1. Being secure of yourself and your relationship
If you feel like you are with a cheater, or someone you can’t even think of trusting, exit stage right now. There is nothing more aggravating than someone who always suspects that because of the distance, there must be another person. Insecurity is a major turn off. Just because a person no longer has you in sight, doesn’t mean that cheating is the inevitable. Now I’m not saying that it can’t happen, because temptation can definitely be real in an LDR (especially when you appear to be single to everyone around you), but it takes a mature person to put their trust into someone and turn the temptations down. And let’s be clear, sometimes new people in your life can be blinding. It only looks good because it’s something new, unexplored. Be wise young grasshopper and stay confident, not oblivious .
Going from seeing each other everyday to once every month and a half, for lack of better words… SUCKS. Granted, good communication is needed to keep any relationship healthy and going strong- even if you live together. But the distance adds a thick layer to the cake. Like a double scoop of disgusting purple icing that you didn’t really ask for, it just came that way. It’s as if communicating and understanding what’s being communicated is forced to step it up ten notches on both your end and your significant other’s. I hate when people say a relationship is 50/50. Why? Because I get that yes, it adds up to 100% which makes a whole, the cute little give and take ratio. But both people should be giving all or nothing. Give me 100% and I’ll do the same.
3. Keeping the Love Alive
I’ve come to the conclusion that I am a very physical person. I enjoy cuddling (right up until I get extremely hot, and then you my friend need to roll over), I like running my fingers through a fresh hair cut because it simply soothes me, and many other things. A relationship comprises of the mental, emotional, and physical. Unfortunately, only two out of three are available in an LDR. Solution? Keep it spicy. FaceTime one another as much as possible. Take turns on visiting one another. The distance shouldn’t change the spark between the two of you. It should heighten it.
Today’s Keyword: unequivocal |ˌəniˈkwivəkəl| (adj.): leaving no doubt; unambiguous; having only one possible meaning or interpretation
In an LDR, there has to be an unequivocal type of love. There is no time for uncertainty. Hell, the distance is enough in itself. Only pursue it if you see this person sticking around for the long haul. Otherwise, it will be the most miserable time of your life. Life in an LDR is definitely a life changing experience. I’m more expressive than my boyfriend and he is more laid back about things than I. Being so far away has taught me to be more patient, and to use my words without always yelling and sounding so pessimistic about situations. For him, he has learned to communicate so much more effectively. I’m not saying an LDR is easy, but it’s not impossible either. Only God knows what the future holds for our two silly souls, but in the mean time we are leaving no room for doubts. I’m unequivocally loving stronger than ever.
Any of you in an LDR? How do you manage? Any questions about LDRs? For any of these do not hesitate to comment below!
Loving miles away,