Wants vs. Needs: Looking for Relations in All the Wrong Places

December 21, 2015 4 Comments

“I have fallen in love more times than I care to count with the highest potential of a man, rather than with the man himself, and I have hung on to the relationship for a long time (sometimes far too long) waiting for the man to ascend to his own greatness. Many times in romance I have been a victim of my own optimism.”

Elizabeth Gilbert, Eat, Pray, Love


Love is by far one of the most amazing feelings one can experience. Believe it or not, I’m a hopeless romantic, myself. I have always had faith that true love will always prevail and that in the end the girl will always get the guy- that she wanted. Yep, I know.  Disney screwed me all the way up.

When it comes to love, there are two facts of life that we have to be real about:

  1. what you want isn’t always necessarily what you need. 

The attractive guy or girl may catch your eye but what is their work ethic? What personal hopes and dreams do they have that not only keep them on their grind, but also will encourage you to want more for your own self? What life goals do they have lined up and consistently follow? Just because a book might have an exquisite cover, doesn’t make the story on the inside substantial. Sometimes people are put in our life strategically to be in roles we don’t want them to be. I once loved a guy. Wanted a guy. He had everything that I wanted physically, mentally, and then some. I just knew that we would be together in the end, patiently awaiting for him to get life together and notice me.I got so good at it that I began to tell myself that every one in between was just in preparation for me, and us settling down. I convinced myself that I was the issue and that maybe he just wasn’t ready for all I came with. Truth of the matter is, being ready had nothing to do it, he just wasn’t the one for me. Period. And it took growth and maturity to face such a reality. In letting go of the want, I internally found happiness- and myself. I was ready to give all of me to someone and had nothing left for myself. There are some people that you probably couldn’t imagine life without so I know you’re like, “Ki. This is foolishness, I do need this person”. While you may think you need them, hey maybe you do, but not for the reasons you want. They are in your life for a completely different role, so let them play it.

2. what you need is never really what you want. 

This is the sad yet inevitable truth of life. So often we hear the stories of the guy being just too nice or she’s just too good of a girl, when really our generation couldn’t tell the definition of a good man or woman if it slapped us in the face. We overplan, searching high and low for the person that matches the mold we’ve designed of  Mr. or  Mrs. Right and that’s just not life people. You’ll have wasted half of your life away waiting for the person you hoped for. When you have strong faith and stop looking, God does this beautiful thing called a blessing, where he plants someone unexpectedly in your life, to change your life. So let me give it to you straight: no, the girl you’ve yearned for for years is not the one. Yes, you been single for longer than you can imagine- and guess what? that is okay. Love comes with discomfort and sometimes we are placed in uncomfortable circumstances like the ones stated above for something better later on down the road. Don’t let friends and family around you convince you that you must be doing something wrong. Sometimes we can do everything right and STILL no love. Know why? It’s all about timing, and quite frankly if you are even thinking about someone and the place you are in as you read this piece, you my friend, are not ready.

Today’s Keyword: serendipity |ˌserənˈdipitē| (n) : the occurrence and development of events by chance in a happy or beneficial way; luck that takes the form of finding valuable or pleasant things that are not looked for

Stop blocking your blessings waiting around for a temporary someone that God hasn’t deemed fit for your life and everything you’re destined to have. Stop falling in love with potential, waiting for someone to reach this (let’s be real) unreachable standard you’ve set, when we all know (even you) that stretching the deadline of their growth won’t change anything at all. Potential is forever complacent, it moves none. Be realistic and live for the now. Everything works in God’s time and everything has a purpose. In knowing that, accept the fact that hey, maybe that lover was meant to just simply be an amazing friend. Find comfort in being alone, taking advantage of the opportunity to know yourself and better yourself for the person out there that you need.

When you stop seeking what you want, who you need will show face. When you’re ready, God will put you in the perfect position. But until then, stop sweating the little things and people who just weren’t meant for you anyway.

Was there ever a time you fell in love with a person’s potential or waited around for something that was never meant to be? What did you learn from it? Let’s hear what you have to say in the Comment section below!

Until next time,

– Ki .

January 1, 2016


  1. Reply


    December 21, 2015

    I once fell for someone who had the potential to be great, but during the time we were together we weren’t right for each other. I realized we had to grow separately. He’s now a good friend of mine. He was put into my life for reasons I didn’t know until later. Knowing that someone isn’t for you is a great thing.

    • Reply


      December 23, 2015

      I definitely agree, and it takes a great level of maturity to grasp that. ❤️

  2. Reply

    Ms. Stubborn

    December 23, 2015

    It’s crazy cause the guy I am speaking to now I had no aspirations to be with, they, did not fit my mold whatsoever. But now I see that this can be the person God has for me. Although I was stubborn but I am starting to realize this more everyday.

    • Reply


      December 23, 2015

      That is beyond amazing ! So times we are initially dissatisfied because it’s something new but time brings much understanding. Best of luck to you both!